I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
