Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
