Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
