We won't sleep together?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
