I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
