Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
