ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im six kinds of drunk right now
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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