i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
