ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
