I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
