apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
