she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
