this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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