What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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