So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
