After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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