I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize