It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Semen is not good for contacts.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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