my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
