I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
