Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
