you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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