still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
