You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
