I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
