mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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