I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
