I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
