Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
