I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
