Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
