My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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