For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i am craving dick and cupcakes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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