dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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