"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
