Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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