i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Can I color on your dick again?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
