remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You've changed since you got that strap on
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