I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
