if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize