:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
