why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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