I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
