FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. Iām living my best life.
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