just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
