3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
