There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
