PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
