I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
