What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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