bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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