Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
