Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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