I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
