Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
