I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
