Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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