I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
