Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
