Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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