I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
