where am i from again
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
