So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize