3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize