that's an acceptable place to lick
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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