I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
