Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize